Today I am feeling so depressed it is hard to want to do anything

it's strange to find myself on the other side of this feeling

like staring through the wrong side of the picture

I was so used to seeing it in others

and now I feel it within me.

And I don't know what to do,

honestly, that's the biggest thing,

it's hard to want to do anything at all

to move, to get up, I decide I won't go to the library after all

and is that an act of self care or desperation? and might it make me feel better?

or would it only make everything worse? I am so tired of taking care of myself

how can I be both the patient and the doctor? and yet I am

crying at the breakfast table silently, and wiping away the tears with the back of my hand.