sometimes i think i say i love you
because suddenly it strikes me how alone i am
and i need you to say it back to me
otherwise i cannot deal with it all

its a sudden panicky i love you
like the times when we are insecure
when you ask me if i love you
when you ask me if i trust you
when i want to ask you back

the times when i want to ask you about
the girls who got your benefits in the
grimy halls of middle school
while i was too busy braiding daisy chains
and holding any boy who liked me so tightly to
my chest
afraid that if i eased up for a second there would never be another
gripping tightly with my dirty fingernails
my unsoiled self
wishing for a second that my shadowed
curves were existent and i held some sort
of magic to the outsider
some mystical allure in my unknowingness