if I could stop focusing on doing the right thing
maybe I could manage to do anything
maybe I could find a way to stop this unproductive
self-flagellation. I am like a bug caught between two panes of glass
I see both lives and I cannot choose one.
Don't you see? I don't know what is best for me.
I don't know what is truth and what mirage.
What about the left thing? The thing that is left behind.
I judge myself incessantly for trying just trying to take care of myself
in a world I no longer recognize and have not for years now.
The fallacy of thinking decisions are simply black and white
and not disintegrating spirals of life like orange peels in an adept hand
And what is wrong with a little bit of regret anyhow?
But just a shot god and not this constant drumming thrumming humming
pummeling of the inside of my mind for just doing its best
honey I'm just doing my best
trying to sort through what's right and what's left.
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