permission slips

"Where in the world would you have learned that sacrificing yourself again and again in order to make others comfortable is maybe not selfless and noble, but actually a slow kind of self-murder?"

you may leave

I give you permission to save your own life

to say no

to say stop here. enough. I am out.

I do not want to engage with your toxicity.

I can choose to be in control of my one precious life.

to notice that those who sacrifice themselves over and over

in search of praise reward recognition

why are they always women?

a realization I am too slow to come to, to face the full pain of it

given the kool aid in my cup

If I work hard enough he will love me if I bear enough 

I will be a good person if I just do a little more I will be appreciated

enough. enough. Enough.

I give you permission to save your own life

Do you hear me?

To save yourself. Radically and simply. To get up and leave the room you want to. leave.

Even though someone might notice. 

To buy the cup of coffee. To take the moment.

To say goodbye to the boy you loved who couldn't help put prick tiny swords into your skin in a desperate attempt to save his own life. Something you could never do and were never responsible for, me,

I forgive you.

There is nothing wrong with

saving yourself.

I give you permission to

"and there was a new voice
which you slowly recognized as your own...
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save."

–––

(1) Elizabeth Gilbert, "Letters to Love" (11/17/24)

(2) Mary Oliver, "The Journey"