so I love you

and it rises again to the surface

a milky truth, like hot breath

on glass

or a plant floating up to the surface

something released

something buoyant no longer

tied down.

the problem is

the problem is

everytime you poke your head above the surface

my panic sets in

it's incredibly personal, but I'll own its not your fault

it may feel like I am avoiding you, because I am

it may seem as if I am sending you mixed signals, because I do happen to be emitting them

it might read like a contradiction, because I constantly change my mind

I try to stay above the water

and your mere presence, existence, makes me drown

makes me remember why it is

I can no longer swim.