these days, feeling

little

feeling

much

Jack makes jokes about long baths, candles in dark rooms, and crying.

People laugh and nod their heads.

I thought about this yesterday.

Not really having much to say.

(Is this connection? The fact that we are not okay?)

waiting.

the article asks me: Do you ever think you are getting used to the emergency?

it tells me I am not. it tells me this - like many other things - will take years to understand,

and by then it will be gone.

give it time, she texted me, and i thought of his poem,

of heartbreak stew

or how petty giving those words to marina would seem

and yet they're the only ones to give

the reality you have to learn to live with

there are worse things in this world than dying - a quote from somewhere sticking in my mind

a comfort somehow.