Monday, November 18, 2019

without reservation

her face flipping in my mind, back and forth
right in front of me, this shyness
her eye staring and her mouth saying nothing

and the moment after i say the words
shivering on the concrete
she is standing there watching me
and she says them back

the ending i didn't bear to believe
the ending i didn't even think of
just the need to say the words, to not have
them rattling around inside of me for another two weeks

two weeks two weeks
wanting it all at once, to drown in the sugar dangerous
this extension silent torture as i awake from feverish dreams
oh yesterday feels like it was just a dream

your soft cheek and the way you twisted your legs around mine
the way you let me in beyond
lying there breathing in the silence
letting me hear the things you shouldn't have noticed but did

and now we're in this inbetween space
and i wish you were here with me actually

wanting to ditch all my history, feeling fully once again
the weight the power of simple side by side existence
that makes me feel so happy and so sad

these simple things to live for
the softest things that break us

that i know will break me, will shatter me, even as i try not to look into a future i don't understand

all i want to do is hold you right now
and not try to understand.

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