sometimes i feel so out of things
and not even the touch
of your fingers on my skin can pull me back
and my mind wanders to things i should
not think of and i scare myself so that
i want to push away and the darkness
and silence consume me until i cannot see
and i cannot breathe so i pull closer
but in that pulling lasts only seconds of joy
because i am not there and i am not close
and i cannot make myself close or there
i cannot get to that feeling of warm happy safe
and i am scared