driving me to different heights
i feel as if i am breezy on the edge
and a breath from your lips
could tumble me off

when i fall
i wonder what i
would think of

i wonder what i
would miss

glassy eyed on the rocks
my pupils reflected
your shock

sitting by the water
i have been enveloped by fear
the ripples assuage my doubts

i don't think you understand me
i don't know if you are trying
i think i have to go
like the words i am giving you
do not matter
and yet you do not dismiss them with out care
and it is difficult to pinpoint why i am so
upset

when i am talking to you i feel guarded as if
i am struggling to push myself back to a me
that you liked and
that you knew and
i achieve it in your smiles but I question
why? why do i squeeze myself to fit
in your perceptions? why do i care if my proportions
make me a more clearly defined stereotype?

you wear your knowing of me like a badge on
your t-shirt
as if you are proud to have figured me out

(do you get me at all?)

stardust (oneword)

sprinkled from your fingers

i look up

and it is whirling down around my

head

ringing it 

i place out

my palms 

catch it

catch it

like snow flurries

it is all that i see come
tumbling down

as you wiggle your 

fingers

and 

laugh

staring at the empty computer screen at night
my face begins to melt
slowly i slip to liquid like butter
stuck beneath computer keys

the fluorescent light attacks me
as if it is a transparent white guard dog
baring its teeth in anger
with audible low-pitched growls

i feel hollow

watching the breakfast club with my family

i suddenly have the urge to do something
anything
i can feel the buzz
why not make out with a Bender
in a closet
or eat captain crunch sandwiched
between slabs of
wonder bread (aside from the carbs of
course)
i want to run through
the tiled ugly halls
of a suburban high
school
to feel that surging
rebellion
lets go get high in the back
of a library
and give away our diamond earrings
living the stereotype of defying
stereotypes
climbing through the ceilings
until we fall

leveled (oneword)

i am sitting on the beach
staring into the sand
and thinking

with my fingers out palms down
i level mountains

(the waves crash in out
slow and monotonous,
a kite sails above me,
the froth rises to my toes)

headbands (one word)

headbands

i do not wear them
because on me they look weird

much more suited for english
schoolgirls

once my brothers friend
helped me brush my hair

put it up she cried
chastising me
i told her it would not look good

she gathered it all back and elasticated
it with a snap
oh you’re right
she laughed

sometimes i feel so out of things
and not even the touch
of your fingers on my skin can pull me back
and my mind wanders to things i should
not think of and i scare myself so that
i want to push away and the darkness
and silence consume me until i cannot see
and i cannot breathe so i pull closer
but in that pulling lasts only seconds of joy
because i am not there and i am not close
and i cannot make myself close or there
i cannot get to that feeling of warm happy safe
and i am scared

outsourced (one word)

we lost our jobs
with each other
i no longer walk up the stairs
and you no longer grill me constantly
you are done
your position is cut
slashed
we did not have the funds for your upkeep
or the
patience

the level of trust i have
cannot be held between my palms
or said with whispers
it needs to be screamed from the top of the
stairs
it is as long as the jump from the spire of the empire
state building to the middle of the earth
tumbling through until
we reach china.
in my dreams
i breathe it out
with each word

i can string words together
but will they have meaning
if i cannot touch my toes
does that mean i am not flexible
that my words cannot withstand
the bending breaking point

monday

listening to new order at lunch time
i am drowning in your shirt
and you skip the next period
because you are too caught up
in the way the light falls on us
as we lie on the green grass
and close our eyes

fort (oneword)

building a fort
to keep you out
and keep us in
against the cold
we wear our fears on our
fingertips like spikes
to prick the skin of our frosty
enemies
inside we breathe life
rosy cheek colors under the
snow