silver lake snippets

emanating from your lips
I take the long way home
those summer evenings
by the lotto playing men
lit up in the bodega windows
like a ninety degree christmas
----------
if i curl up close to you
     will you   e n v e l o p e
                     me?

Will I slowly mesh into you
     so that I am a part
  and you cannot let me go


   for how can you distance
      your fingers? your arms?
        your toes?
  ------------

easy easy easy

it all seems so easy

when you take it away from

all the whispers and all

the eyes that don't care 

                                                               about             

if we can exist alone

we can exist together

if we can exist a part

we can exist within

coalesce

coexist

conform

your heart is beating under my hand
the thumping
the breath

it races
and i think of
the disconnect
the space between what i see
and what your heart is
telling me

after, i think you
hear my beats
they are drumming so loud
and you laugh and
i turn away blush
smile
into the dark

i am fluttering.
but happily so

twisting my tongue
as if i didn't understand
the own workings of my mind or

the way time is so
flexible and inflexible
and bends with each breath
and each moment
how long is each silence
how long is each note

the fingers are fluttering
and so much is left unsaid
but understood
the fingers are fluttering
and so much has been read
and understood

how had i forgotten the sound of your voice?
when i heard it
it sounded so new and i could
not stop a shiver running down my spine
with all the newness
you are so different
i have not heard you
before
its funny how the unknown
gives us goosebumps
its funny how the unknown
gives us more

her hair brushed her nose
hey girl
how you doing
how much bang can you get for a buck?
dirty terrible words
she spits them out on her filthy fingers
the soil writhing under her nail beds
hey girl
hey girl
lemme look at that
whooooeeeeee
she spits
she spits
on the sidewalk
hard fast
painfully
tug in
tug in
tug in

in
in
in

in
in
in

hey girl
hey girl
lookin fine
lookin fine
you are looking fiyennnnneeee
she is not fine
and she is not looking
her lids glued shut
her feet tumbling
she is mumbling
she is mumbling
she is bumbling along
she is stumbling
she is stumbling
she is stumbling along

hey girl
hey girl
where you goin'?
don't be like that
don't be like what.
she grimaces and grinds
her teeth
she grinds her teeth
she grinds her teeth
in a circle
encircle
(she grinds her teeth
in a circle
encircle)
encircling them in her mouth
before she chews
she chews
encircling them in her mouth
before she'll choose
she chooses
encircling them in her mouth
before
she'll lose
encircling them in her mouth
before she'll lose
she loses

i don't really know what you're thinking
step out of the shade
and reach your hand into the
shaft of light
into the
shaft of life
you give me words
but i don't believe them
these are not presents like i imagined them
and instead i see them edge forward
like lines off a script
just because you believe
doesn't mean its true
we can fool ourselves
we are best at fooling ourselves
driving ourselves into nothingness
because its the only way
we can go

trickle down
the front of my shirt
sickly sweet
like the icey you bought me
spotting me a dollar
when i had only spotted you

a double take
they call it
because that second time
when you look
you take what you thought
and then so much
more