black love is forever

black love is forever

like the dirt kissing you everywhere

you could never asked to be kissed

it is not black

and soul sucking

tormenting in a self-satisfactory 

way

it says i will love you

and i will never understand

let's pretend

i.

these days i do a lot of pretending 

it feels sometimes like i fool myself enough to believe

that it is real (but then i catch myself in fear)

i pretend to work, i pretend to know what i am doing, i pretend

to go grocery shopping (i'm very good at it by now, i pick things up

and put them down, i put them in my cart, i do not ask any questions,

and i bring them all home and set them on the shelf).

i pretend to sleep. i pretend to be a grown up. i pretend to have it

all figured out or more often i pretend that i do not have a clue and that is 

an act i am so good at that even i don't know i'm pretending.

ii.

other times, we pretend

spinning cotton candy silks, tasting sugar with our eyes

we change our voices, we say things that do not make sense

and it is delightful! how little sense they make

we are other people we are ourselves we are each other

until life knocks on the door

and comes back in

iii.

prae tendere

before stretch

stretch the truth out like a piece of bubble gum

the gaping holes only a millimeter thick

from your mouth to mine

iv.

in pretending 

there is confidence

there is a path

to not pretend