should i push them away
or draw them in deep
i don't know what type
of company to keep

manchester by the sea

don't let that movie
dig too deep
it might hit upon something real
that red underneath your skin
it might make you think of what you did
behind closed doors for months that turned into years
and the way a hand feels on your bare chest
and the smile you might have not noticed with eyes closed
and your dream from last night in which he appeared fully formed
and you were shocked to have him so clearly remembered
i bet you're ready to stop hurting she tells you in her tiny room
she couldn't fit her chair in and so she put it in the living room she rubs
your back as you cry and leave snot stains on her pajamas but as hard
as she soothes she doesn't understand

may the fifth boy you love
kiss the inside of your belly button
clean out all the lint
with the tip of
his purple scratchy tongue

the fourth boy never washed much
and so you never did either

and i don't remember
the ins and outs of years
until i sit and waste my time
reading them back
and realize that its not a waste
of time at all